Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
