...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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