Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
