When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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