I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I love you.
Bad choice
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
