omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
