Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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