I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
