If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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