Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
