Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize