I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
whose parrot is this?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize