Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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