I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
