I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize