I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
