I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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