I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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