he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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