Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
