I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
