There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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