how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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