My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have surprise drugs for everyone
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
