I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
