I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Are my feet made of real feet?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
