alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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