Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
