i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
only if we run a train.
done.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
