i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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