Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize