i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
