I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
