do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
