so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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