How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
