i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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