I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
