so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
