I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
