We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And then he peed in my hair
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