It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
