Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize