Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
