I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
