So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
