Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
