I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
