My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
