I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
4 words: hood of his car
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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