it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let's get the cat blown out
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
