my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
