I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
