What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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