What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
