I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
