Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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