I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
