He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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