Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
