This girl is more easily done than said...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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