I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
