And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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