you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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